What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 26.06.2025 11:40
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
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Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Especially a lifetime of it.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
This is soul school!.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
What transforms the philosophical intellect?
All the time i was locked up.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
So, i spoilt her more .
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Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Who then, do I blame.?
Why cant I motivate myself to go to school (grade 10)?
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Is it common for girlfriends to have close male friends who are single and not related to them?
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I couldn’t, believe it.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Why do women wear less clothes compared to men?
But, we were locked up after school.
She was in good health!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
My son got caught peeing on a carpet in his room and he is 12 years old. What should I do?
I was seconnd youngest,
I write beautiful poetry .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
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My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
How do I monetize my email list with BeeHiiv?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
When Kundalini is awakened accidentally, what can be done?
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I will be 64.
Why have Indian girls almost stopped wearing sarees?
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I could never make a relationship work though!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
She wouldn,t have been !
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
(And it was in our own minds.)
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
My family never makes their pension either.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
What did i know ?
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
My life is so biszare .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
One cannot live in the past .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I waited trembling.
We were not on the streets..
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Comes on , in middle age.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Im still living with it.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I have no regrets .
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I said to her
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I was 9 years of age.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
And i lived it daily.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I never cut or harmed myself..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
She found it foreign!.
But it wasn’t much.
He knew the spot.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
When she asked me how she looked .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Ive learnt so much.
It was going to be , some day.
She married twice! .
As i do to all so called friends.?
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I was very sick at this time too.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I don,t even have a pension.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Would this be the day?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Was to survive, this bastard.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
She loved him until the end.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Why did i forgive my father ?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Put me off passion for life!!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I think the readers, may guess!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
We all went to grammer schools
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I was scared of men, in general
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
He resisted the act ,that day.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
So whats the point in blame.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.